Comedy Caregiver Gifts

IV Bags: Main and Afters

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

'Don't bite it.I have to check Daddy next.'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

How's the new one?

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

'It's the only way he'll take his medicine.'

'I usually don't make house calls but I'm glad to make an exception in your case, Gran'ma.'

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'Well, Mr. Harris, I'm afraid you simply care too much. You have compassion fatigue.'

'He's lookin' at me!'

"What was the name of that adoption agency?"

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."

'How am I ever going to be able to practice my first aid if you insist on using an electric razor?'

"We're pretty sure it was the dissolving stitches."

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

'It's just a precaution, the anesthetist can't find his wedding ring.'

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

'Well, it wasn't me.'

Ah ha! Surgeons remove shopping trolley from patient.

"I forget now... am I babysitting you or are you babysitting me?"

Patient

Administering Dose of Medicine to a Boy

"My dad works in surveillance."

'Try to think of it as drip therapy.'

'If it weren't for diapers, I'd have nothing in common with him.'

'I was stuck in traffic for two hours on the way here, so I have my urine sample ready.'

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

'To summarise the tariffs, sympathy is £19/day, empathy £27 and obsequy £34.'