Comedian Of Care Gifts

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

Saline Drip Sommelier.

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Robot surgery.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

Jelly I.V.

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

'Looks like we could have a pandemic on our hands.'

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

No offense, Doctor, but I'm feeling kinda rushed.

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

Bald man polishing head

Future Medicare Prescription Drug Plans: 'When I grow up, help me enjoy my retirement years. But if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.'

Out of hours GP service machine.

"The operation was a huge success, Mr. Smith, but we're going to have to open you up again - we appear to have lost a nurse."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

The Annual Anesthesiologist Convention.

Name that artery.

"This drug has such pleasant side effects I consider them value-added."

"All right, so he dropped the heart. The floor is clean."

Surgery.

"Don't just sit there give me a hand."

'You feel like a pack of cards eh? Okay I'll deal with you later!'

'Yes I floss regularly. Once every 6 months when I come here!'

'Doctor's aren't allowed to do examinations alone. It's for your own peace of mind.'

"Relax, un-controllable trembling is natural before major surgery."

"Well it's not so much a pain, more of a slight sensation, a bit like being tapped on the nose with a spoon."

'Think of it as a tongue depressor on steroids.'