Comic Philosopher Pillows

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"I don't mind making mistakes as long as no one else knows any better!"

Valuation of Heaven

Adam and Eve and the coronavirus

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"We only got six days of funding."

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

Barbeque Casualty.

Zenemies.

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

Optimist

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

Snowman ice fishing.

"Sir, multiple people were stabbed by a terrorist in..."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

'It's not a desert island - it's Australia.'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

'Ugh, we've got termites, destructive little pests.'

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"Well, I'm not a lone wolf on purpose! I was separated from my pack over three months ago and I can't find it again. . ."

'No, Rusty, this one! You're barking up the wrong tree.'

"A cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,...is that all I meant to you?"

"I've invented the wheel. We're going to be rich."