Comic Cook Gifts

"More helium."

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Night of the Latkes

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Thou Shalt Not!

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

"Save yourself — it’s a casserole!"

Onion operation.

'Anybody for breakfast?'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

Amy Sedaris

'Needs more kale.'

Bottomless bowl of soup

Chef De Party.