Comic Cook Gifts

"More helium."

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Night of the Latkes

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Thou Shalt Not!

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

Amy Sedaris

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"Save yourself — it’s a casserole!"

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

Onion operation.

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

'Needs more kale.'

Bottomless bowl of soup

Chef De Party.

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."