Comedy Cook Gifts

Recipes.

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

Accountant Reading 'The Joy of Cooking.'

Bake off: Flan B

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

Night of the Latkes

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Paris' magnificent Trifle tower.

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.