Comedy Cooks Gifts

"We should settle this in the kitchen."

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'Mmmm. How do you get the custard so creamy? You must give me the recipie!'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

Night of the Latkes

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

Paris' magnificent Trifle tower.

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'