Comfy Couch Crusader Pillows

"I'm not comfortable talking about that either. Maybe if you had a couch."

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

'I just invented the 'chair' - It relieves lower back pain!'

Sunburn lotion, Windburn lotion.

"You don't have anything planned for the next 196 years, do you?"

"I'd like an aisle seat, please."

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

Exercise vs Laxative.

"There's the remote!"

Are they dangerous? Only if I shut off the tv.

'This wasn't in the adventure brochure!'

"Comfy?"

"I like it – I'm just not sure it's what I want to rot on."

You finished Netflix

'Well, I'm off to the crusades, happy mother's day!'

'I don't think Ed wants to make the crusades come alive for the kids. I think Ed is afraid of the kids.'

"I don't object to their right to roam, I just wish they would wipe their feet."

"Our forefathers died to give us our most cherished freedom. The fight to absolutely terrify every dog and cat in the land every 4th of July."

"There's nothing wrong with me, I just really like this couch."

"It's been a great year except for me not getting any respect for my personal 'dressing for comfort' choice."

"This, 'being a housewife' lark, isn't so hard."

"This love seat stinks!"

Colin believed in being ready for any sporting occasion

"I don't want to sound simplistic, but I think a smaller couch with fewer throw pillows would help this marriage a lot."

When the cats realized that Hubert had permanently taken over their favourite couch, they took action.

A housewife is looking at her dishwasher; the door is open, and looks like a drawbridge - men on horseback are emerging.

Dog: If he hadn't wanted me to chew up the couch...

'I can't sleep a wink - it feels like someone's got their life savings under here.'

Modern Accomplisments