Comedys Gifts

'Not now Kato!'

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'It's not for homework. It's for traction.'

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

"Would anyone like to say any final words about Carl from accounting?"

Double Saxophone

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

"Fulfilling others on Thanksgiving is pretty good advice, wouldn't you say?"

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

Jumble Sale

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

Footballer playing for time

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

Expired, expired, expired, expired, expired, expired.

'That is the last time we will ask an actor to cut a cake.'

We hadn't realised your body language was French....

"Last night we watched three movies back to back. I was the one facing the telly."

Bunny TV.

Jeff makes some nice jugs.

"This is the worst gum disease I've ever seen...I'd suggest you eat more vegetarians."

"Mmm...yes...scrumptious—I think we got it all."

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'To put it in simple English, all you have to do is put a few drops...

'Tell me again why we are afraid of chairs.'

"I'm looking for a GPS with Morgan Freeman's voice. Maybe my husband will listen to it."

'Hi. I'm Don.'