Comedic Corporate Gifts

' Well, it looks like Henderson is missing, as is half the sales department! I think you're going to move up fast in this company kid!!'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

Double Saxophone

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

'Do we want to apply for a credit card that plays the song 'Money Makes The World Go Around' every time it is swiped?'

"It's late. I am not getting into another heated discussion with you."

"It would appear they worshipped the almighty dollar."

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

'This company wants someone who can screw the clients but who is quite happy to be screwed by me.'

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

"Hold your questions until I've talked so long no one knows or cares what you're asking about."

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

'It was here when Harris decided to 'tweak' things a bit...'

'Binky will be roaming the halls, spreading his own brand of team spirit.'

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