Comedic Corporate Climber Gifts

'Mister Nooka, taking over the frozen food division.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

Businesswoman Empowerment

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

A fight in the Boardroom.

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

How leaders fail

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

Storm in the out tray

Can do...No can do

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

Overworked in the office