Comedy Medic Gifts

'The doctor doesn't want you getting too excited, so I'll be giving you your bed bath.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'I tell them it's for a patient in the next room and they don't complain about their shot.'

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

Medical Center.

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"The medic said he died of an ST-segment-elevated myocardial infarction -- Jack was always a showoff."

'Urology...can you hold?'

'Just another couple of pages.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?