Comedy Curator Gifts

'A tithe is defined as a tenth of your income, Mr. Talmadge -- not ten percent of whatever you happen to have in your pocket on Sunday morning!'

'It's finished, my masterpiece - wait...'

"See? I told you our yard was too small for a swing set."

"It said on the tin 'put on 2 coats'..."

'I'm making enquiries following the assault on an electric fan salesman, outside this property.'

'Ark, Noah - not arc!'

A dog has inflated the family cats with helium and they are floating on the roof.

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

"She feeds me the same stuff every single day, yet I can't help approaching it like I have NO idea what it could possibly be!"

Hacker

"Are you new around here?"

"A bone is a bone right?"

'There! A little starch and voila! An Easter bunny!'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

Snowman spam.

'We've got too many sitcoms, Miss Dudley -- pull the laugh tracks on half of them and run them as soaps.'

Straw Tough Guy

"Oh no, I dropped my phone."

"Good dog. Good dog."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"For fever, we scrape the bark from the branch, boil it with shredded leaves and sprinkle in powdered root. Then, just to be sure we add some antibiotics."

What if it was raining June 18, 1889?

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

A Snowman using a Pooper-Scooper to pick up his Dog's ice cube Doo Doo

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

Gianni Tatti's Dining-Room Chair

"Very good Carter, but when you said you wanted to show us your Powerpoint we assumed you meant presentation!"

'Sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.'

E-commerce for shoplifters.

Keister Island

'My God, you're right - they are all back issues of TV guide.'

The institute.