Comedy Chronicler Gifts

I resent the fact that the only item listed on the menu is soup with a fly in it. I resent the fact that the script calls for me to give you a big smile. It's tough all over. Menu.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

Non Thought For The Day.

A dog has inflated the family cats with helium and they are floating on the roof.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

A skip full of fools.

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

Wedding Selfie

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

You realize, Harris, if you LIVED here, you'd be home by now.

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

'Cohiba is written on here with a Sharpie.'

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'

" ... and markets closed lower today on news that markets would close lower today."

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

"I've been having hallucinations again, Doctor."