Comedically Challenged Pet Owner Gifts

'Albert, are you supposed to be leaving on a call or did you just get back?'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

Separation

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

'Do you have to do that every time?'

"I know they're treating you kindly but are they treating you ethically?"

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

'I told you it was a stupid idea getting a pet lemming.'

An advantage of robotic pets.

'There's no evidence use of steroids will improve dog show performance.'

It doesn't pay to own a cuckoo clock and a dog at the same time.

"My owner's been teaching me how to beg. . . I've made £30 today!"

How to tell that it's Howie Mandel's dog you're dealing with.

Employment Office. You're still only finding temporary jobs? Yeah, my income stream is not continuously flowing and it never reaches flood stage.

'Butterworth was encountering a slight problem with the latest addition to his aquarium'

Free Range Cow

If you think your pony is ailing.

"We're in for the night."

'Whoa! Slow down, kids! Your mom will neuter me if I bring you home with stomachaches from eating too much of that junk.'

'What am I blind, Bob?'

Rockwell School (Dog disguised as pupil).

Telepekingesis.

Cat gets drunk from wine spilling into his food bowl.

"Martha, throw away the Pooper Scooper!"

One part of me loves cats. Another part, not so much.

'Heal!' 'Heel!'

Schrodinger's cat-box

'Hey, knucklehead! You're standing on my tale!'

'That parrot is really repeating on me.'

Chuckie's test results come back negative.

Balloon dog fouling path,