Comedic Theologian Pillows

'I've got an epistle to the Corinthians, ten shekels postage due.'

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

Christian Book Centre.

Jesus saves.

"Uh-oh! Here comes trouble!"

"Aw... go on! An apple a day keeps the doctor away y'know..!"

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

Excommunicate Me.

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

Monkey Business College

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

"What if we don't like their country personas?"

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

Tree growing

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

"Great pet, but we should have given him less energy."