Comedic Tensions Fan Gifts

Boyfriend of the Month.

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Double Saxophone

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

Pessimists v Optimists.

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Pop up begger.

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

"Is there anybody there?"

Husband electronic tagging control centre - Screen reads 'Pub'

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

Safety Pin

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

Two women are hosting a radio show called Ask Sadie.

"My dad really went ballistic! I'm not grounded...I'm under house arrest!"

"You in there! This is the Microsoft Police. Throw out your books and come out with your hands up."

"But we make a killing on auto repairs...if we encourage people to fix things themselves first."

Fat Cats and Dogs

"We've got kind of a noir thing happening here, Manny. The girlie cigarette doesn't exactly add."

"My wife thinks I'm out looking for a job..."

End of the Pier Show

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

"Hello?- Anyone here?"

"This is not the sleeping beauty I paid good money to see!"

Robot Bores