Comedic Storytellers Gifts

Street Bubbes

'Honey, I need some money for a facial: I need to look my best with all these photo safaris around...'

' I realize you had to dress like that because you were undercover but that was six months ago, Henry ! '

The Harold Pinter theatre...

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

A boy acting suspiciously

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

Old Joe was determined to reach the summit as he'd left his false teeth up there last week!

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

'This is okay, but my ambition is to be an automatic teller.'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

Drone Baby Delivery

Andy's first airplane experience was marred by his grandmother's stinginess

"Eye of newt, not eye of tiger."

'These, you realize, are just the high points....'

'When we get back this trip is going to need some embroidering.'

'Got something! That baby's at least ten pounds. Can't wait to see it surface.'

'Please hold your applause until I've read all ten.'

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

Furniture from hell.

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"First of all, I'd like to thank all of the little pumpkins who made this night possible."

'Some people never learn, do they? The guy I saved today I've saved twice already!'

"Well, if you haven't seen him, do you know a good recipe for puff pastry?"

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

"Having bitten the apple I think we should cover our phones with fig-leaves."