Comedic Spectator Gifts

"For my next trick, I'll need a non-litigious volunteer."

'Yes, it does make his blood boil - I enjoy it'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"My computer just texted me."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Wow! That yogapilates has really paid off!'

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

Death Photobombs a Holiday

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

"Hey! This is news."

Cristoph Willibald Gluck 2nd July 1714

"Don't think of it as hell. . . just think of it as a normally recurring seasonal weather pattern."

Glimpses One Dollar

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

'I'm knitting you sweater... do you want it too big or too small?'

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

Men and Women's changing rooms

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

"Let's stop for a second while my assistant brings me a stiff drink."

Bad business inc.

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

Screenwasher cleaning buggy.

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'We were playing Twister at a party. . . there was a loud popping noise.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'