Comedic Political Observer Gifts

"What's the big deal? All these politicians talk about a health care plan! I have a health care plan!"

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"My computer just texted me."

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

State Budget.

What if Huckabee Were a Fundamentalist Hindu?

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'Wow! That yogapilates has really paid off!'

Runner going through hurdles.

Upon graduation, all of the clowns would gather to find out where their assignments would be.

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

Yanis Varoufakis and Wolfgang Schauble

"On the one hand, I'm glad they're cutting the school year short...on the other hand..."

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

"I beg your pardon," said Alice, "but which of you is the Democrat?"

"People think the government has a bottomless pit of money....but sometimes we have to make sacrifices!"

'That's a very good question - Are you trying to make trouble?'

'Okay, maybe I was defeated for re-election, but at least I beat the point spread!'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Don't think of it as hell. . . just think of it as a normally recurring seasonal weather pattern."

"Hey! This is news."

"If Einstein is correct, when we get back, my car will have been double parked for 320 years."

"...But then it turned out there weren't any WMDs on the moon after all."

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"