Comedic Socializer Gifts

'How do you do? I'll be your wife's ex-husband, when she gets around to divorcing me.'

Quiz Night...

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

"Practicing my hate-face."

"Would you like to be notified by text when I'm bored and want to go home?"

"I finally lost a few ounces with my activity tracker. I took it off."

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

The Devil's advocaat.

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

"I'll have a Bloody Mary. And bring a Witch Hazel and tonic for the little woman."

Getting old...

"Oh, no thank you. I’m rumaki-free."

'She's spring cleaning and you?'

Rusty and Molly's first date was going beautifully until the 'car tyre incident.

Will Make You Sick So You Can Go Home.

"I'm Generation Z. Nice to meet you."

'Your drink, madam. Courtesy of the gentlemen at the bar.'

'I wish my wife would stop playing mind games with me. I'm tired of losing.'

"Every bar has its obnoxious drunk."

Cliques Amongst Mathematicians.

It's called 'Pretentious.' It tastes like crap, but it's $100 per bottle!

"Wrong hole!"

"David! It's only trendy to drink beer straight from the bottle!"

'Well I'd love to stay and chat, but this is one of those 'get things done' days.'

"Of all the lazy, lowdown, deadbeat, pathetic losers you've ever met who had the most influence on you?"

"You're a plumber, I'm a doctor. Now that I've given you some free medical advice, how about stepping into my kitchen and fixing my leaky faucet?"

"I moved here just six months ago and already I'm part of the local color."

Too-Humble Pie.

"I've learned not to listen to critics who are right about me."

"You're rambling again Dennis."

'I'm going to have a few drinks with the guys...don't wait up for me.'

"The other thing I love about drinking is that you can't do it online."

Military Hospital.