Snarky Socializer Gifts

"Practicing my hate-face."

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

The Devil's advocaat.

'My dear boy its a wonderful display of post modern expressionism with overtones of Dada.'

"I'll have a Bloody Mary. And bring a Witch Hazel and tonic for the little woman."

"That's what I love about the game - it's so social."

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

Art Gallery.

Teleworking was the death of the office party

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

"No, the guy who had this job before me didn't retire - he escaped."

Will Make You Sick So You Can Go Home.

"Yes, your work does speak to me and it's telling me you can't paint."

'Your drink, madam. Courtesy of the gentlemen at the bar.'

Who has two thumbs and

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

"Our flying monkeys really seem to be hitting it off."

'Well I'd love to stay and chat, but this is one of those 'get things done' days.'

'This wine is so good it makes even you interesting.'

"The voice pattern is similar to Dad's."

"Of all the lazy, lowdown, deadbeat, pathetic losers you've ever met who had the most influence on you?"

"I warned you, Silvia, all 8 foot lizard creatures are the same."

"You're a plumber, I'm a doctor. Now that I've given you some free medical advice, how about stepping into my kitchen and fixing my leaky faucet?"

"I rely on a complex network of friends and co-workers to keep me in the dark."

"The other thing I love about drinking is that you can't do it online."

"This book can't be very sophisticated...I understood it right away."

"I thought, 'Join me in a cup of coffee', was just an expression!"

'I'm sorry darling. I'm not very good company tonight.'

"Do you guys know how lucky you are to have a big house that's not too big?"

"That's why you're in here! You're abnormal!"

Guests Bring a Bomb to Dinner

'Rodney doesn't mingle so much as rotates!'

"Come play doubles with us, Danny."

"Aren't we friends on Facebook?"