Snarky Socialite Gifts

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

"Omigod. The entire axis of boring is in there."

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

"Practicing my hate-face."

Today's Buzz word...

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

"At work, they call me benchmark."

'Hello! I don't believe I've bored you yet...'

Hello- I'm a Wreck.

'You look like a fun guy!'

"We're in the city now, Bob—stop making eye contact with everyone."

'You have to get out more and meet new people you can find fault with.'

"She might have stayed longer if you answered the door with your pants on."

Oh no! Here comes another lecture on the joys of loft living!

"Welcome, comadres, to this first meeting of the Very Wise Latina League!"

'You simply must eat at No 47! Their meal worm mix is to die for!'

"I shall never forget Roger."

"Come on, smile, it's for our food blog..."

'May I say how delightful it is to hear he use of the word 'Egad'.'

"You're welcome to stay, but the household goes all nude after 9pm."

Bargoyles

'Don't bother Daddy — he just got blackballed from the Hanseatic League.'

"I had too much to drink, honey, can you pick me up? I'm at the corner of walk and don't walk!"

"Is he bothering you?"

". . . and so the wife says to me. . . Earl she said, you really have to stop talking to strangers."

OPTIMISTS' CLUB, 'They said they never expected ME to show up.'

Anti-social networking

'Yes, my husband is an emphatic spitter. And, no, he doesn't wear dentures. Why do you ask?'

'Women experience life at a different frequency.'

'Mr. Charles Borlin and friend...'

'My favorite position? Chairman of the Board.'