Comedic Self-reflector Gifts

"I like to be disciplined about my writing, sharpening my pencils and organising my desk in the morning which leaves me time for writers block after lunch and a nervous breakdown in the evening."

Wanna step outside and say that?! Don't beat yourself up. At least not until you've put something on.

"It's days like this that make me long for days like this."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"He's his own worst enemy."

Cellphone Islands

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"The overthinker"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

That party went well.

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

Zoo: No Hunting.

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"Is this who I am?"

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

"You need to stop bottling it up."

Pachyderm insomnia.

"I think I'll keep a diary..."

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

"Every time I explore the corners of my mind, I have the urge to dust."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

Business man sees himself as a shark

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'