Comedic Recluse Gifts

'Society of hermits'

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Who's got the hammer?"

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Breast Height Chart

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

'It's a sign of the times, a high rise block of caves reserved for hermits.'

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

Biological Alarm Clock.

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

Homing Pigeon GPS Manfunction

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'

'... and then he slammed the door in my face...'

Tonight's Lecture: Your share of the national debt. That explains my credit rating.

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

Pirate Paddle Boat.

'Will you tell the dog I live here!'