Comedic Relationships Gifts

'Three guys. Is that all you've had?'

'Do you have any books about men who become alcoholics addicted to internet porn because their wives are always reading?'

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Dan and Irene's 'communication problems' improve, thanks to Richard, their couples therapist.

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

"Al, are you certain that this guy has the authority to marry us?"

'Don't worry about me, mom, I'll be fine as long as you keep working!'

Husband electronic tagging control centre - Screen reads 'Pub'

"I'm looking for a GPS with Morgan Freeman's voice. Maybe my husband will listen to it."

'How can I miss you if you won't go away!'

"Honey, I'm home."

"I said I wanted to see you in skimpy clothes..."

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

"Hello?- Anyone here?"

"Okay, but just a quick kiss, Joey... You did see my father's gun collection, right?"

"My dad really went ballistic! I'm not grounded...I'm under house arrest!"

Searching for condom.

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

"Try to remember to flex your ankles and if possible walk up and down the room."

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"

'How about some marital counselling, hon? Should we grab some while we're in this aisle?' 'No, we're fine on that.'

'My dad warned me about fellas like you!'

'Why don't you put your money in the Bank, instead of stuffing it under the mattress?'