Comedic Prescription Decipherer Gifts

"The doctor has prescribed '#squiggle'."

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'Okay. Now. Insert Part K into slot G...'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"Let me guess: Step two, add sand."

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

Maze of legalities.

Auditioning for Finnegans Wake.

Man has drug cabinet labelled 'Safe Drugs' and 'Not Sure Drugs'.

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

'This prescription looks as though the doctor wrote it in Greek.'

"This medication doesn't have any side effects, just up-and-down effects."

Europe and TTIP

'These pamphlets will explain the procedure and these leaflets will explain the pamphlets.'

"Of course it's hard to understand. They wouldn't be billing 'codes' , if they were easy to decipher."

'H-m-m-mm...may cause insomnia, joint pain, nausea, dizziness, lethargy,gas, irritability, muscle ache, bloating and may nullify the initial good feeling'

"These will make you feel like a kid again... especially when you can't remove the child-proof cap!"

'We're all pretty much in agreement that this is what your doctor scribbled as your prescription.'

Pharmacy: 'It's a miracle drug because it hasn't been taken off the market yet.'

'It's just a side effect of the anti-anxiety medication. Try not to worry your pretty little head about it.'

"I can't read this scribble. . . ! Just get the usual random boxes off the top shelf. . ."

"The side effects feature some stunning special effects."