Comedic Misadventure Lover Pillows

'That shark took Bob right out of the boat! Now I'll never get the $50 he owes me.'

You're so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off you, even though there's a fly in my soup doing the backstroke, which is comedy gold!

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"The back flip was a nice touch."

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"Sales rep from Milton Keynes? You prove he no British spymaster who sent you on secret mission to Bananastan?"

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

"I once mistakenly thought I was dating someone for a whole month because I couldn't tell his texts were sarcastic."

'First time skiing?'

"This guy has no idea what he's doing."

Cupid's Arrow Misses, and Dog Falls In Love with a Man's Leg.

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

'Next time make sure it's the bath plug before you pull it out.'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

'I hate these romance cruises.'

'I can't let you catch me - you need the exercise more than you need sex!'

"I'm just doing this until I can break into accounting."

She's a little too friendly.

"When he thinks back about this years from now, he'll only remember the good probes."

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

'Maybe now you'll admit that we're lost!?'

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

"It wasn't long into their first date before Toro began to notice the red flags."

"Ted! It's fallen down! Ted!"

Campanology wasn't really Gregory's thing!

"Sure, I can tattoo her name there...man, you must really hate your ex-wife!"

'Well, I heard he was a player.'

A hunter shoots what he thinks is a bird, but turns out to be a big 'm'.

'Don't worry about running out of petrol - I just happen to have a spare two gallon can in my rucksack !'

"Do you think your husband is on to us?"

'Erica, you're a cutie and I really like you, but your way to do French kissing makes me nervous!'