Comedic Story Lover Pillows

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

'A is for Arse.'

Examination.

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

"The back flip was a nice touch."

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

'I'm not trying to take away from the fact that you are a twisted, brilliant genius. . .but what is with the size of this bloody forehead?!?'

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

"You've reached Randy, the Dating Doctor. What ails you?...."

'Yes, he did turn into a price, but there were complications.'

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

"Then one day he said, 'It's either me or the damned cat!'"

'I didn't recognize your old boyfriend at first. He's got a new car.'

'Well, how many pints do you weigh?'

"Boy! That Harvey will do ANYTHING to be the center of attention, won't he?"

"He decided to write a travel book..."

'Recommended reading' selection of books e.g.'Team spirit, by Geoffrey Boycott'

"When he thinks back about this years from now, he'll only remember the good probes."

"He won't get far without this!"

"I just can't do it without someone else yelling directions."

"Yes, I tried tapping on the glass."

"If I had to guess I'd say your son's acne is the result of a sudden surge of hormones."

Man in a Chain Gang has a Peg Leg.

'That shark took Bob right out of the boat! Now I'll never get the $50 he owes me.'

'Don't worry about running out of petrol - I just happen to have a spare two gallon can in my rucksack !'