Comedic Literature Lover Pillows

"He won't get far without this!"

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

'A is for Arse.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Examination.

"Really Mum? Natural selection gave us short arms to stop us from picking our noses?"

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

'I'm not trying to take away from the fact that you are a twisted, brilliant genius. . .but what is with the size of this bloody forehead?!?'

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"You've reached Randy, the Dating Doctor. What ails you?...."

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"I could've sworn we only brought two fruit-flies!"

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

'Well, how many pints do you weigh?'

'Recommended reading' selection of books e.g.'Team spirit, by Geoffrey Boycott'