Comedic Literature Lovers Pillows

The gentleman next door declares his passion for Mrs. Nickleby

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'A is for Arse.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Examination.

"Really Mum? Natural selection gave us short arms to stop us from picking our noses?"

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

The Swiss Arm-y Wife

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

'What a Neanderthal! Ork doesn't know his putter from his driver.'

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

"You've reached Randy, the Dating Doctor. What ails you?...."

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"I could've sworn we only brought two fruit-flies!"

No, thank you, I brought my own bag.

"He decided to write a travel book..."

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

'Well, how many pints do you weigh?'