Comedic Literature Pillows

"I could've sworn we only brought two fruit-flies!"

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'A is for Arse.'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Examination.

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

"Really Mum? Natural selection gave us short arms to stop us from picking our noses?"

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Monkey Business College

Pop up begger.

"I knew you'd understand."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

Joe's Tavern: Perfect Attendance

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

"You've reached Randy, the Dating Doctor. What ails you?...."

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'