Comedic Learner Gifts

'What if I want to stop? Where's the pause button?'

'I ran out of excuses. My teacher taught us how to back up our homework on our computers.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

'A is for Arse.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"My computer just texted me."

Sale on Bathing Suits, One Size Fits None.

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

'Choose, Fenster

'When they came up with a 'do your homework' app, then I'll know technology can really make life better.'

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

Examination.

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Wine represents all things civilized. It's an artistic expression, a manifestation of cultural enlightenment...'

'Bye dear! I'll have another nice reindeer steak ready for you when you get back.'

'Remind me to never again ask him what he learned in school.'

'It's Blurred.'

"Really Mum? Natural selection gave us short arms to stop us from picking our noses?"

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'Would it make a difference if I told you I was listening to book on audio?'

'Father, when are you going to get software for our home computer that will teach me French?'

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

"We're gonna need a bigger comic."

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'Where's the mouse for this thing?'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"Hey! This is news."

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''