Comedic Learner Gifts

'What if I want to stop? Where's the pause button?'

'I ran out of excuses. My teacher taught us how to back up our homework on our computers.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

Zoo: No Hunting.

'A is for Arse.'

"My computer just texted me."

'When they came up with a 'do your homework' app, then I'll know technology can really make life better.'

Sale on Bathing Suits, One Size Fits None.

'Choose, Fenster

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Bye dear! I'll have another nice reindeer steak ready for you when you get back.'

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

'Wine represents all things civilized. It's an artistic expression, a manifestation of cultural enlightenment...'

Examination.

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'Remind me to never again ask him what he learned in school.'

'It's Blurred.'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

'Would it make a difference if I told you I was listening to book on audio?'

"Really Mum? Natural selection gave us short arms to stop us from picking our noses?"

"We're gonna need a bigger comic."

'Father, when are you going to get software for our home computer that will teach me French?'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

'Where's the mouse for this thing?'

'All You Can Eat Wings.'

Glimpses One Dollar