Comedic Educators Gifts

'For tonight's homework, download into your brain, chapters three and four.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

Monkey Business College

They Removed my Brain.

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

Tree growing

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

The college of my choice.

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

'You thought I'd gone out of business? What gave you that idea?'

Meals on Heels.

"Where do you see yourself 5 years ago?"

"I have an existential dread of falling off your couch."

"Wait a minute! - First you say, 'Lay up treasures in Heaven,' and then you say, 'You can't take it with you'!"

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'