Comedic Finance Gifts

'Need some money for a facelift, I presume?'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"It would appear they worshipped the almighty dollar."

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

Sorry, Rudy, no way can I raise your pay to $15 an hour. Why not? 'Cause that would destroy jobs. What would you do for a job once I moved the caf

Monkey Business College

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

Al, you need to get over your childish desire for a pony. It's not childish, doctor. I only started wanting one last week.

At The Clown Bank.

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

"Tut! You've tapped in the wrong number again!"

"Johnson's selling ad space in the tunnel of light."

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

'We finally found a way to break the deadlock in our negotiations. I'll need a deck of cards and some poker chips.'

"The pound is reaching parity with Liz Truss."

'That's our quilt edged investments sorted.'

"What??? For that money I used to get at least a judge, a congressman, and a city councilman!!"

With more and more graduates defaulting on college loans, many loan companies have hired undercover hecklers!

'Fortunately, I'm serving, concurrently, both my interest and principle.'

With Friends Like These

'Speak up!'

"Would you mind turning down your Walkman just a little!"

'Hello, George? Yes, have you seen my husband? I'm guessing he's in-between the couch cushions again.'

"I'm thinking of investing. Do you invest?"

"What do you think of the new window display?" "It's the first time we've ever shown a prophet."

"How much were you thinking of spending?"

'I'm sorry dear, I'm going to live by myself, I need to economise!'

Surveying and statistics sections in a Library.

'How to profit from a financial meltdown.'