Comedic Finance Enthusiasts Gifts

"Well, a million dollars isn't worth much these days ... unless you can get rid of the Internal Revenue Service!"

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Man feeding fish banks with money, not food.

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

Sorry, Rudy, no way can I raise your pay to $15 an hour. Why not? 'Cause that would destroy jobs. What would you do for a job once I moved the caf

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

At The Clown Bank.

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Tut! You've tapped in the wrong number again!"

'But if we don't pay huge bonuses our top staff will just leave and go and ruin someone else's business!'

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

'Since stocks are so wacko now,I'm advising clients to go with their lucky numbers on lotto tickets.'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

"The pound is reaching parity with Liz Truss."

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'That's our quilt edged investments sorted.'