Comedic Investor Gifts

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

"What is it about me that makes people mistrust my investment advice?"

"I'm thinking of investing. Do you invest?"

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"It would appear they worshipped the almighty dollar."

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

"You heading south again this summer?"

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

At The Clown Bank.

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

Tree growing

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

'A penny saved is a penny not stimulating the economy.'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

'You thought I'd gone out of business? What gave you that idea?'

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

"Where do you see yourself 5 years ago?"

"Wait a minute! - First you say, 'Lay up treasures in Heaven,' and then you say, 'You can't take it with you'!"