Comedic Driver Gifts

'Panic stations! Parking dilemma!'

'Hike the Alps? I'm getting out of breath just keeping my foot on the accelerator!'

"Honk if you'd like your horn shoved down your throat!"

'Why do you drive with your brakes on? I want to be ready in case there's an emergency.'

"I wasn't texting while driving. I was driving while texting."

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

"Ralph! Oh my god Ralph!"

"I need to tinkle."

'They're right.polorized sunglasses do help you see better underwater.'

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

No Instruments Please

'Like the 'Cobra' and the 'Viper', my car is named for a snake too - the 'Rattler'.'

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

"I know it's a pie in the sky, Henshaw, but from a career perspective point of view we'll log it in as 'unidentified small aircraft'."

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

'At least the bigger prop gives us more thrust.'

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

"We're making exiting advances in alternative car care."

'It's been so long since he's been on dry land.'

'If you're a driver who likes it all, take a look at this! Sour cream, onions, cheddar cheese, and bacon bits - this baby's loaded!!!'

'What do you mean the men are unhappy! What on earth gives you that idea?'

'Surely you can't book me for laughing, officer'

Golf Ball in Nest.

'Until 1989 I never had an accident...then I bought a car.'

'And this little warning light flashes when the outside air becomes too polluted to breathe.'

'You forgot one of the essential facts of putting - the ball always breaks toward the water.'

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.

"That's a lovely tee-shot." - "Well, thank you, it matches my underpants."

"Do you sell backup cameras?"

'Shall we forget the ball and start to look for the golf course?'

STRIP Old Caddy (colour)

"So I lost my bicycle helmet, what about it?"

Liverpool's Philharmonics orchestra become the first to play below sea level by performing the Mersey Tunnel to mark its 60th anniversary.

'I shouldn't be much longer, hon, I'm putting on the 18th green right now.'

"Forget that ball caddie, there's another just like it up here that I can tap in...."