Comedic Drivers Gifts

Og never knew how close he came to falling asleep at the wheel.

"I need to tinkle."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

'Like the 'Cobra' and the 'Viper', my car is named for a snake too - the 'Rattler'.'

No Instruments Please

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

"We're making exiting advances in alternative car care."

'It's been so long since he's been on dry land.'

'If you're a driver who likes it all, take a look at this! Sour cream, onions, cheddar cheese, and bacon bits - this baby's loaded!!!'

"I wasn't texting while driving. I was driving while texting."

'Next year we're going where our luggage goes!'

Currency Exchange. Hebrides Travel Agency. They said that for one hundred dollars, Skye's the limit.

'Hike the Alps? I'm getting out of breath just keeping my foot on the accelerator!'

'Surely you can't book me for laughing, officer'

'Until 1989 I never had an accident...then I bought a car.'

'Did you pack your own luggage?'

Golf Ball in Nest.

"What were his last words?"

'And this little warning light flashes when the outside air becomes too polluted to breathe.'

'You forgot one of the essential facts of putting - the ball always breaks toward the water.'

STRIP Old Caddy (colour)

'Shall we forget the ball and start to look for the golf course?'

'I shouldn't be much longer, hon, I'm putting on the 18th green right now.'

"That's a lovely tee-shot." - "Well, thank you, it matches my underpants."

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.

Liverpool's Philharmonics orchestra become the first to play below sea level by performing the Mersey Tunnel to mark its 60th anniversary.

"Do you sell backup cameras?"

"So I lost my bicycle helmet, what about it?"

"Say, aren't we a bit too old to drive a car?"

"Forget that ball caddie, there's another just like it up here that I can tap in...."