Comedic Drivers Gifts

Og never knew how close he came to falling asleep at the wheel.

"I need to tinkle."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

No Instruments Please

'Like the 'Cobra' and the 'Viper', my car is named for a snake too - the 'Rattler'.'

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

"We're making exiting advances in alternative car care."

'It's been so long since he's been on dry land.'

'If you're a driver who likes it all, take a look at this! Sour cream, onions, cheddar cheese, and bacon bits - this baby's loaded!!!'

'Next year we're going where our luggage goes!'

"I wasn't texting while driving. I was driving while texting."

'Hike the Alps? I'm getting out of breath just keeping my foot on the accelerator!'

'Did you pack your own luggage?'

'Until 1989 I never had an accident...then I bought a car.'

'Surely you can't book me for laughing, officer'

Golf Ball in Nest.

"What were his last words?"

'And this little warning light flashes when the outside air becomes too polluted to breathe.'

"That's a lovely tee-shot." - "Well, thank you, it matches my underpants."

STRIP Old Caddy (colour)

'Shall we forget the ball and start to look for the golf course?'

"Forget that ball caddie, there's another just like it up here that I can tap in...."

Salt flats - 100mi. Low sodium salt flats - 150mi.

"Do you sell backup cameras?"

Liverpool's Philharmonics orchestra become the first to play below sea level by performing the Mersey Tunnel to mark its 60th anniversary.

"Say, aren't we a bit too old to drive a car?"

"So I lost my bicycle helmet, what about it?"

'Panic stations! Parking dilemma!'