Comedic Motorist Gifts

"If you still don't know how to merge your vehicle properly, play with a zipper for a few hours and you'll figure it out."

Airport Security.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'Been waiting long?'

Car carrying bikes, biker carrying car.

'Now cut that out!'

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

Hunter with arrow pointing at him.

'Like the 'Cobra' and the 'Viper', my car is named for a snake too - the 'Rattler'.'

No Instruments Please

"How can we get away from it all if you're bringing it all with you?"

Psychic Car Mechanics.

Touring Holidays - On the P***

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

"I know it's a pie in the sky, Henshaw, but from a career perspective point of view we'll log it in as 'unidentified small aircraft'."

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

'I take it you're not into catch-and-release yet, eh Ben?'

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

"We're making exiting advances in alternative car care."

'It's been so long since he's been on dry land.'

'If you're a driver who likes it all, take a look at this! Sour cream, onions, cheddar cheese, and bacon bits - this baby's loaded!!!'

Currency Exchange. Hebrides Travel Agency. They said that for one hundred dollars, Skye's the limit.

'We would like you to accompany us to the station, sir!'

'Next year we're going where our luggage goes!'

"I wasn't texting while driving. I was driving while texting."

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

The only way to get a rain free British holiday is to camp above the clouds.

'Hike the Alps? I'm getting out of breath just keeping my foot on the accelerator!'

"I wasn't honking at you! Isn't it obvious I was honking at the guy 10 cars ahead of you?"

BOOZE & SNOOZE: 'It's a bed and breakfast with a liquor license.'

'Did you pack your own luggage?'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"I think I'm getting road rage."

Golf Ball in Nest.