Comedic Motorist Pillows

"If you still don't know how to merge your vehicle properly, play with a zipper for a few hours and you'll figure it out."

Airport Security.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'Been waiting long?'

Car carrying bikes, biker carrying car.

Hunter with arrow pointing at him.

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

'Now cut that out!'

'Like the 'Cobra' and the 'Viper', my car is named for a snake too - the 'Rattler'.'

No Instruments Please

"How can we get away from it all if you're bringing it all with you?"

Psychic Car Mechanics.

Touring Holidays - On the P***

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

"I know it's a pie in the sky, Henshaw, but from a career perspective point of view we'll log it in as 'unidentified small aircraft'."

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

'I take it you're not into catch-and-release yet, eh Ben?'

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

"We're making exiting advances in alternative car care."

'It's been so long since he's been on dry land.'

'If you're a driver who likes it all, take a look at this! Sour cream, onions, cheddar cheese, and bacon bits - this baby's loaded!!!'

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

'Next year we're going where our luggage goes!'

"I wasn't texting while driving. I was driving while texting."

'We would like you to accompany us to the station, sir!'

The only way to get a rain free British holiday is to camp above the clouds.

'Hike the Alps? I'm getting out of breath just keeping my foot on the accelerator!'

BOOZE & SNOOZE: 'It's a bed and breakfast with a liquor license.'

'Did you pack your own luggage?'

Golf Ball in Nest.

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"I think I'm getting road rage."

"I'll check again but I'm pretty sure drinking all day isn't one of the activities."