Comedic Driving Coach Pillows

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

"I need to tinkle."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'I need both hands for steering.'

'Like the 'Cobra' and the 'Viper', my car is named for a snake too - the 'Rattler'.'

No Instruments Please

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

'In the few remaining minutes of the lesson I can't do better than to show you how to fill an accident form.'

'At least the bigger prop gives us more thrust.'

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

"Of course I know what the rearview mirror is for...to check at any moment if my hair still looks ok."

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

"We're making exiting advances in alternative car care."

'It's been so long since he's been on dry land.'

'If you're a driver who likes it all, take a look at this! Sour cream, onions, cheddar cheese, and bacon bits - this baby's loaded!!!'

'What do you mean the men are unhappy! What on earth gives you that idea?'

"I wasn't texting while driving. I was driving while texting."

I hate to tell you this, but that's a can of maple syrup, not motor oil.

"You know how some writers are known as 'writer's writers'? I'm what's known as a 'driving instructor.' "

'I know that I told you not to hog the crown of the road, but this is ridiculous!'

"Good boy. Now speed up a little and try sticking your head out even farther."

'Hike the Alps? I'm getting out of breath just keeping my foot on the accelerator!'

'Aren't you going to teach me how to drive while texting?'

"Don't cry this time, it is off putting."

'To thumb a lift from this one mate, you must be tired of life!'

'Surely you can't book me for laughing, officer'

'Check your blind spot'

'You say that you were taught by your dad. Is he a cabbie by any chance?'

'Until 1989 I never had an accident...then I bought a car.'

'This will be great for chase scenes.'

Golf Ball in Nest.

'And this little warning light flashes when the outside air becomes too polluted to breathe.'