Comedic Criminal T-Shirts

"Tuesday is out, I have a coding class."

Can I get some tech support? Sure, what's up? I was trying to hack into a credit card company to steal some Visa numbers and the computer froze up. I am not going to pay for this session! Although Ms. Smith of Blueridge Lane might pay for it. This is not funny.

'The Warden said you're to stop renting out the security video of your bank robbery.'

'Hey! Knock it off, will ya?'

'No, no. Take this brand. Their user manuals are available online.'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'We would like you to accompany us to the station, sir!'

'...then the drone blasts the back wall of the bank.'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

Robber on treadmill

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

Our cover is francophile liberals

"Paper or plastic?"

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Trilby - 'Taffy was allowed to see Gecko'.

'Lewis and Cabrini.'

Parachuting with Concrete Shoes

'You've not been involved with money laundering before have you Joe!'

Mario's Family Portraits.

Pinata Crime Scene Investigation.

"He was a top boy - he could light up a room just by setting fire to it."

"I see travel and romance. You'll be going away soon. I see a tall, dark stranger with many tattoos."

"Little Timmy is big enough to use you burglary tools."

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'You're an inspector now?'

'You're not a very good listener, are you?'

Mission Impossible

"Why do they always do that with the concrete? The feet are the best part."

Louie 'The Egg' Spignoli, The Hangman's Nightmare

Her brother's on the building opposite with an M16.

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.