Comedic Crime Thinker Gifts

Om, I will kill him, ooommm. Om, I will kill him, ooommm... Jack would later be charged with premeditated murder

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

X-RAY

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

"If Einstein is correct, when we get back, my car will have been double parked for 320 years."

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

Tree growing

Pinata Crime Scene Investigation.

Why is it the universe keeps expanding but there's never any room in my closet?

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

'You're an inspector now?'

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

I think of "The Fusco Brothers" as a modern-day "Bonanza." Only instead of four cowboys, we have four bums, and instead of a cook named Hop Sing, we have a wolverine named Axel. Is there a term for this fantasy? "Ponderosa Nervosa."

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

"Great pet, but we should have given him less energy."

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

"What if we don't like their country personas?"

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."