Comedic Complaint Collector Gifts

'Hello, Room Service?'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Surf Casting

Flyfishing for dummies.

Santa called but you were out!

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

In, Out, Complain.

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'Look at that! Our first big snowfall, Timmy!'

Complaints departement for men and women.

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

"Okay, ha ha, now seriously...Where's the rest of the nuts?"

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

Minnesota Weather.

'I don't like to complain, Evelyn, but aren't these family reunions getting out of hand?'

"It's nice to see you expressing yourselves, but what you need to focus on what's good for the whole group!"

Moanathon.

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

'He's sending it back....again! I swear this guy can't get no satisfaction.'

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

"You say that life is suffering, but isn't it also complaining?"

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Airline concerns.

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

'When I said you should complain about your steak I didn't mean whining about it on twitter.'

After eating here for years, I've come down with abdominal pain and fatigue. Oh yeah? Also, irritability, sleep problems, headaches, loss of appetite, inexplicable weight loss, vomiting and constipation. Also, it took me three whole hours to figure out my new Apple watch, so chalk me up for learning difficulties. You're not by chance trying to get in one last lawsuit before Trump deregulates everything, are you? Heavens, no. Just feeling a little lead-poisony is all I'm saying.