Comedian With A Conscience Gifts

Stop Sexual Exploitation At Work!

Ethics exam cheater.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Another day at work would be one too many...

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Rap music

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Toy plane with pilot eject.

A private jet takes off

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

Rodin's Thinker.

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'Well, if nothing else, Brad, your wine selection does prove you have a sense of humor.'

'That's funny, everybody else is going downstream.'

'Shall we bother with the sweet, chubby-chops?'

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

Exit Next Left

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Clubbing

Midwest Winter Items.

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

Car leaving highway crashes through 'EXIT HERE' sign.

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

Ostrich's head buried into a pile of sand containing a woman