Comedian In Spirit Gifts

"I'm getting the hang of this wake up every morning, and do basically the same thing with different complaints until I die."

'Now boarding all passengers in the middle class.'

Ladder

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

Rap music

At the 2021 Religious Games

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Toy plane with pilot eject.

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

A private jet takes off

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Rodin's Thinker.

'That's funny, everybody else is going downstream.'

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

'Well, if nothing else, Brad, your wine selection does prove you have a sense of humor.'

Guru.

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'