Columnists Gifts

If Punditry Was Related to Real Life

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Maybe fruit flies don't have souls.'

'Cartoonist thinking'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

'You've been killing files again.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

Sports Radio in Crisis

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Sir Patrick Moore.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Tree of Public Opinion.

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

The Adventures of Tom Friedman, Boy Reporter

A great new year (for cartoonists).

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

The Original Gossip Columns

Bernard Levin

"Then I told him, 'Unions are powerless in this country... What can you do to me?'"

Cops' Right to Beat You in Private Shall Not Be Infringed

'Instead of nagging you, Walter, I've decided to write a syndicated column!'

Chess on TV

The United States of Amazement

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"