Collegiate Sports Gifts

School of Ophthalmology letter jacket.

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Go team!

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'He always tees off like that. He used to throw the discus in college.'

'It's a combination of March Madness,,, and Linsanity,'

Cheerleaders

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

Lost Season

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

The Giamatti era

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'Play any other position besides Monday morning quarterback?'

Baseball players and their qualifications.

'What do you mean you didn't learn anything? You learned how to tackle, didn't you?'

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

College game crowd: 'WE WON',,,'and that somehow makes you superior'

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

Basketball Tourney. Ernie, you're crushing everybody in the office basketball pool! You've picked the winner of every game so far! It's amazing because you don't know a thing about basketball. For you, picking the winner of every tournament game is like correctly guessing a coin flip sixty seven times in a row! No, I have a system! It seems everybody has an opinion about the tourney so I listened to what my investment advisor thought about the teams. And with his record of picking winners

Scenes we'd most like to see...

Med School Mascots.

Coach Prime Cleans House

Our coaches are from top college teams. Questions. Why aren't you in training? Sports Camp. Rotator cuff injury. Concussion. Back surgery. Counselor. Ok, campers. Let's show them what you've got! Excellent health insurance card representation!

Student to kid: 'School first, then Mount Everest.'

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

Tax What?!

"Wow, the current is strong today. It reminds meof the championship race backwhen I was at Yale. Did I mention I rowed at Yale?"

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

Bowl Games.

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

"This has been quite a season for Zobrowsky—a hundred an twenty-nine receptions, sixteen touchdowns, a B-plus in English, a B in philosophy, an A in political science, and a B-minus in French!"