College Warriors Gifts

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"Sure, money may be imaginary - but at least it's got everybody imagining it."

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"If something that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, then I should be Atlas!"

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'Bring me another coffee would you...'

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

Lost Season

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

Cocoa. Make it a double. Sure, Myles. Coming up. Here ya go. Double today; everything okay? Oh yeah, sure. What's not okay about realizing 3rd grade means a whole bunch of homework and Sally Anne Peters wanting to talk about feelings? Tell me all this weirdness ends soon. Triple on the house.

Too much homework: kid with two backpacks.

Examiners.

"Ted doesn't test well."

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

Graduating students asking for cash donations.

'I'll pause for your moans and groans.'

"Man! I haven't slept at all since school started!"

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."

'If I keep bringing diseases home from school, maybe I shouldn't go to school.'

Truth In Education

"'C' isn't EITHER the new 'A'!"

'I'm not enjoying my childhood, I'm dealing with it.'

Beat me, kick me, make me do story problems.