Academic Warrior Gifts

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

Most scientists regard the new streamlined peer-review process as 'quite an improvement'.

'I'd do better if she'd ask questions more closely matching my answers.'

'What do you expect? My edition of the math book doesn't have the answers in it like yours does.'

'Who wrote this Perkins? You or Google!'

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'But in the Global Marketplace you're only 650,247,555th.'

"I own you, homework assignment!"

'I'm worried -- It's getting harder and harder to qualify for Federal grants!'

Teacher in front of freaked out class: 'And to let you know how irritating homework excuses are, we'll start each day with fingernails on the chalkboard.'

Graduating students asking for cash donations.

"Are you sure you didn't just take my answers out of context?"

"'C' isn't EITHER the new 'A'!"

"My biggest fear is having, like, five final exams on the same day. What's your biggest fear about school, Gracie?"

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

"Do you think reports cards can predict your future?"

'I'll pause for your moans and groans.'

"But math class is a barrier to my academic advancement."

"You know you're in trouble when you stop praying for the answers and start begging."

Have at you!

"Ted doesn't test well."

'I'm staying in the fifth grade for an unprecedented third term.'

'The great tree of knowledge in his discipline was just pulled out by the roots.'

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

Too much homework: kid with two backpacks.

After eight months of lugging heavy backpacks around, Mr. Cranwell's students felt brave enough to tell him to stuff his huge homework assignments.

Beat me, kick me, make me do story problems.

Examiners.

Noise Please-Exams in Progress. 'We're trying desperately to make exams more difficult.'

"It's been a stressful school year."

Truth In Education

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."